An Adoption Story If There Ever Was One
Well, those of you who were looking for an adoption story on last night's
Primetime broadcast couldn't have been totally disappointed with the
Anna Nicole Smith segment. The grieving widow's relationship with the very, er,
mature billionaire J. Howard Marshall was its own adoption story, with some elements even mirroring our own experiences.
The TV Guide SynopsisJ. Howard & Anna Nicole: With time slipping away, an aging, enfeebled billionaire looks for a young available female in an effort to make his life complete.
(Us and Zoe: With time slipping away, an aging, infertile couple looks for a young available female in an effort to make their family complete.)
How She Was Enticed Into Relationship
Anna Nicole: Gifts of jewelry, cars, real estate, breast implants and loads of cash.
(Zoe: Gifts of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers, lollipops and a toy cellphone.)Promises Made
J. Howard to Anna Nicole: To love, honor and cherish, and take care of her for the rest of his life.
(
Us to Zoe: To love, honor and cherish, and take care of her for presumably longer than fourteen months.)Roadblock RelativeAnna Nicole: Stepson E. Pierce Marshall, who labels her a "gold digger" and initiates battle to retain his claim to the old man's fortune.
(Zoe: Brother Jesse, who labels her a "toy stealer" and initiates battle to retain his claim to the LeapPad.)Phrases Commonly Heard
Anna Nicole: "I want." "Give me." "More." "This diaper needs to be changed." All spoken with a Texas drawl.
(Zoe: "I want." "Give me." "More." "This diaper needs to be changed." All spoken in toddler Russian.)Nature of Relationship with Father FigureAnna Nicole: Loved to tempt and play games, but with a total adversion to any meaningful physical contact.
(Zoe: 'Nuff said, I'm sure it will come in time.)Where Are They Now?
J. Howard: Judge divides ashes, distributes them evenly to both widow and son. Anna Nicole: In bankruptcy, headed for the U.S. Supreme Court in last-ditch legal effort to win share of husband's fortune.
(Zoe: Living quite comfortably in suburbia, thank you very much.)